We don't have any. We can pay our bills, and month after month I count my lucky stars that I can send those checks out on time, (figuratively speaking, we pay our bills online... pfft, who doesn't these days?) but still. It would be nice to be able to pay off our debt, and maybe even buy a little something nice here or there.
We do not over spend. We have very few extras. When Jordon doesn't make bonus, (which he hasn't the last two months,) the supply in our fridge dwindles nervously low. Sometimes I feel guilty that I don't work. The odd jobs I do bring in about $400 a month, but since we finally got health insurance, all my money does is keep us even. Sometimes I feel frustrated that Jordon doesn't know what he wants to do when he "grows up". My parents have more than once brought up helping Jordon through school, but I think he has SERIOUS insecurities about his intelligence, (which he shouldn't,) and thanks to his freakishly conservative mom, he has negative views on colleges and school all together.
The funny thing is, I think we are the happiest couple I know. We enjoy each other. We have fun together. We laugh. We have giggle fits. We play; like actually on the floor, down and dirty play with Braedon. Still, I don't feel that we are successful, and it is all because of money.
I am afraid Braedon will never get to live in his own house, or have a brand new bike that has never been ridden by anybody else. I know he probably won't care, 'cause most kids don't think about that stuff, but I do.
Money is never anything we fight about, but does weigh heavy on both of our minds. Something has to change. I just don't know what.
So You Think You Can Dance
I have never been a good dancer. Ever. And I know it. I used to stand still, embarrassed and awkward at junior high dances. As for high school dances? I would either not go, or get drunk and just hang out. At our wedding, our song was "Thank You" by Led Zeppelin. Do you know how freakin' LONG that song is? After several minutes of awkward torture, I actually turned to the D.J. and gave him the "please, NO MORE!" sign by dramatically dragging my pointer finger across my throat, my eyes pleading. Then I had to do it all over again with my dad. I am awkward. I don't know what my body parts are doing or at what time. I have no rhythm. No style. I feel like a demon-possessed rag doll... on crack. The few times I have forced myself to watch in a mirror, (when I actually cared that I sucked,) I knew for sure that it wasn't just all in my head. I can't dance.
The funny thing is, I love to do it! I dance all the time! Just when nobody is looking. When I am home alone I dance from room to room. I dance when I sweep, vacuum, and dust. I really let loose, too. I NEVER want to know what it looks like, but damn, it feels good. It is freedom. It is fun. It definitely is exercise. Jordon knows that I do it, because he has caught me once or twice as he was getting home from work when the music was loud and the vacuum was on. He didn't get to see much, though. Besides him, everyone thinks I am just danceless. I missed out on all of the girls' nights in high school that involved those tacky, over 18 under 21 dance clubs that they now fondly call "meat markets". (Darn, right?) They would plan at least ONE event a week where no dancing was involved just so I could go. Even drunk, I just couldn't do it.
When I used to fantasize about my adult life (before I was an actual adult, like... with a kid and a husband and stuff...) I would think about the kind of mom I wanted to be. I would often fantasize about dancing around the house with my kids, like it was our little secret that mommy danced. Just them and me and maybe a broom or a vacuum. I had that fantasy a lot, actually.
Then Braedon was born, and I would rock him to sleep standing up, and think this is it. I am dancing with my son. Then he got older, bigger, and easier to balance on my left hip, and I would jiggle back and forward with him sometimes in time (relatively speaking) to the music. Okay... THIS is it. My son and I are dancing. Then last night, we danced. I was cleaning of course, and Braedon was cranky from running errands all day. Usually he just laughs at my un-smooth moves when I dance and clean in front of him, but last night he JOINED me! He threw his arms up in the air and waved them around. He threw in a few rockin' head bang moves. He lifted his left foot, then right, then left again. He circled the living room. He laughed, and I laughed, and I lifted him high into the air, alternating circle spinning with dips and kisses. He tried to copy my every move. Successfully. Yes! This is it! This is my childhood fantasy played out! I AM the mother I always wanted to be! What a feeling! It was AWESOME.
Then I realized... he tried to copy my every move. Successfully. He is totally screwed.
The funny thing is, I love to do it! I dance all the time! Just when nobody is looking. When I am home alone I dance from room to room. I dance when I sweep, vacuum, and dust. I really let loose, too. I NEVER want to know what it looks like, but damn, it feels good. It is freedom. It is fun. It definitely is exercise. Jordon knows that I do it, because he has caught me once or twice as he was getting home from work when the music was loud and the vacuum was on. He didn't get to see much, though. Besides him, everyone thinks I am just danceless. I missed out on all of the girls' nights in high school that involved those tacky, over 18 under 21 dance clubs that they now fondly call "meat markets". (Darn, right?) They would plan at least ONE event a week where no dancing was involved just so I could go. Even drunk, I just couldn't do it.
When I used to fantasize about my adult life (before I was an actual adult, like... with a kid and a husband and stuff...) I would think about the kind of mom I wanted to be. I would often fantasize about dancing around the house with my kids, like it was our little secret that mommy danced. Just them and me and maybe a broom or a vacuum. I had that fantasy a lot, actually.
Then Braedon was born, and I would rock him to sleep standing up, and think this is it. I am dancing with my son. Then he got older, bigger, and easier to balance on my left hip, and I would jiggle back and forward with him sometimes in time (relatively speaking) to the music. Okay... THIS is it. My son and I are dancing. Then last night, we danced. I was cleaning of course, and Braedon was cranky from running errands all day. Usually he just laughs at my un-smooth moves when I dance and clean in front of him, but last night he JOINED me! He threw his arms up in the air and waved them around. He threw in a few rockin' head bang moves. He lifted his left foot, then right, then left again. He circled the living room. He laughed, and I laughed, and I lifted him high into the air, alternating circle spinning with dips and kisses. He tried to copy my every move. Successfully. Yes! This is it! This is my childhood fantasy played out! I AM the mother I always wanted to be! What a feeling! It was AWESOME.
Then I realized... he tried to copy my every move. Successfully. He is totally screwed.
Routine = Mundane?
NO WAY! I have added some stuff to my routine and I am LOVING it! Seriously, I am not sure if I have ever felt this "together" in my life. I am being very careful not to bite off more than I can chew though, and as I add a new routine I make sure it turns into a habit I feel like I can't live without before I add another new one.
I am taking walks every day. This is a routine that has no choice but to stick around, because now Braedon is addicted too! 7:00pm rolls around and he gets antsy and irritable if we are late for our stroll. It is also nice timing because it is after dinner but before bedtime during that lull that I usually waste on the computer or watching TV.
I am showering at night after Braedon goes to bed now instead of the morning, afternoon, NEXT DAY... whenever it would fit in. I love this too because it makes the next morning get off to a much quicker, less stressful start. It is also a nice way to wind down at night and it feels good to go to bed shower fresh and smelling yummy. Even though I JUST said it relaxes me, it also invigorates me and helps put me in "the mood". (I ditched the coffee at night thing. It was giving me restless leg syndrome. :p)
I am spending a measly 15 minutes a day cleaning out the garage. We only have a half garage, so even though we don't have a TON of stuff, the garage is jam packed. And we just keep throwing more stuff out there with no rhyme or reason! At first I just figured eventually I would have a day or two without Braedon that I could really get in there and get my hands dirty, but who was I kidding? If I ever do get that time, you better believe I don't want to be cleaning the garage with it. I am only on day 4 of this, which is one total hour, but what a difference it has made already. I can do this!
Routine is NOT mundane because it gets me more "me" time, more sex, (and of higher quality since I am freshly showered... if you know what I mean...) more exercise, more PEACE, more sleep, and more quality time with Jordon. So by DOING more I am GETTING more! Who knew? :p
Also, I would like to thank yertle at Smile, Play, Dream because she has motivated me to put some method behind my madness simply by working on doing so herself. When I hear about her successes, it makes me want to be successful too!! (Bet you didn't know that, did you!?)
I am taking walks every day. This is a routine that has no choice but to stick around, because now Braedon is addicted too! 7:00pm rolls around and he gets antsy and irritable if we are late for our stroll. It is also nice timing because it is after dinner but before bedtime during that lull that I usually waste on the computer or watching TV.
I am showering at night after Braedon goes to bed now instead of the morning, afternoon, NEXT DAY... whenever it would fit in. I love this too because it makes the next morning get off to a much quicker, less stressful start. It is also a nice way to wind down at night and it feels good to go to bed shower fresh and smelling yummy. Even though I JUST said it relaxes me, it also invigorates me and helps put me in "the mood". (I ditched the coffee at night thing. It was giving me restless leg syndrome. :p)
I am spending a measly 15 minutes a day cleaning out the garage. We only have a half garage, so even though we don't have a TON of stuff, the garage is jam packed. And we just keep throwing more stuff out there with no rhyme or reason! At first I just figured eventually I would have a day or two without Braedon that I could really get in there and get my hands dirty, but who was I kidding? If I ever do get that time, you better believe I don't want to be cleaning the garage with it. I am only on day 4 of this, which is one total hour, but what a difference it has made already. I can do this!
Routine is NOT mundane because it gets me more "me" time, more sex, (and of higher quality since I am freshly showered... if you know what I mean...) more exercise, more PEACE, more sleep, and more quality time with Jordon. So by DOING more I am GETTING more! Who knew? :p
Also, I would like to thank yertle at Smile, Play, Dream because she has motivated me to put some method behind my madness simply by working on doing so herself. When I hear about her successes, it makes me want to be successful too!! (Bet you didn't know that, did you!?)
Opinions Wanted
I am going to try to keep this objective, because I am curious of your responses and I don't want to try to taint either one of the parties with my portrayal of them.
At our local mall, there is this really cool toddler play place that is made out of fairly low-to-the-ground foamy toy things. There are boats, mountains, tunnels, bridges, big butterflys, and flowers to climb and jump around. Even the ground is made of some kind of crazy super squishy rubber stuff. Braedon loves it. Too bad it is nearly ALWAYS packed. Good thing the little guy knows how to get back up and brush himself off after being trampled. (Okay, he doesn't actually brush anything, but you know...)
There is freakishly human looking beaver at the entrance of the play area with his finger jetting straight out like he is aiming for your you-know-what. He is not, of course. He is just trying to help by reminding kids and parents alike that you have to be shorter than "this" to enter the play place. Of course parent's rarely heed the beaver's advice. It bothers me that bigger kids are allowed to go into the play place by their parents because
A.) To big kids, the WORLD is their playground. They can go to any park they want and have at it. Toddlers obviously can not.
And
B.) To me, the parents that allow their big kids to go in are teaching them that it is okay to blatantly disregard a rule that is put forth for the safety of others if it doesn't fit into their liking.
That being said, most of these parents have little kids as well, and keep pretty good reign on their big kids. No running, chasing, etc.
On to the story.
As Braedon is playing in there having a good old time, (he has learned that if he spins in circles he gets dizzy, and what better place to fall than a nice, padded play area?) we noticed a security guard slowly approach a woman at the play place with another mom at his side. After a brief discussion, the approached mom gathers her kids, leaves with a "you got what you want now, I hope you're happy" obviously embarrassed. The mom who got the security guard then returns to the play place with a smug, satisfied look on her face. (Did I say non-bias? Oops.)
So here is my question to you:
What would you have done? Do you think it was okay for the one mom to snitch on the other? Do you think the other mom deserved it because her big kids were in the play place?
(There are other details I could add that would further my opinion of who was in the wrong, but I will let those go for now.)
So let's hear it!
At our local mall, there is this really cool toddler play place that is made out of fairly low-to-the-ground foamy toy things. There are boats, mountains, tunnels, bridges, big butterflys, and flowers to climb and jump around. Even the ground is made of some kind of crazy super squishy rubber stuff. Braedon loves it. Too bad it is nearly ALWAYS packed. Good thing the little guy knows how to get back up and brush himself off after being trampled. (Okay, he doesn't actually brush anything, but you know...)
There is freakishly human looking beaver at the entrance of the play area with his finger jetting straight out like he is aiming for your you-know-what. He is not, of course. He is just trying to help by reminding kids and parents alike that you have to be shorter than "this" to enter the play place. Of course parent's rarely heed the beaver's advice. It bothers me that bigger kids are allowed to go into the play place by their parents because
A.) To big kids, the WORLD is their playground. They can go to any park they want and have at it. Toddlers obviously can not.
And
B.) To me, the parents that allow their big kids to go in are teaching them that it is okay to blatantly disregard a rule that is put forth for the safety of others if it doesn't fit into their liking.
That being said, most of these parents have little kids as well, and keep pretty good reign on their big kids. No running, chasing, etc.
On to the story.
As Braedon is playing in there having a good old time, (he has learned that if he spins in circles he gets dizzy, and what better place to fall than a nice, padded play area?) we noticed a security guard slowly approach a woman at the play place with another mom at his side. After a brief discussion, the approached mom gathers her kids, leaves with a "you got what you want now, I hope you're happy" obviously embarrassed. The mom who got the security guard then returns to the play place with a smug, satisfied look on her face. (Did I say non-bias? Oops.)
So here is my question to you:
What would you have done? Do you think it was okay for the one mom to snitch on the other? Do you think the other mom deserved it because her big kids were in the play place?
(There are other details I could add that would further my opinion of who was in the wrong, but I will let those go for now.)
So let's hear it!
Meme Me!
Perfect! I have been tagged by pinkpowersuit which is great, because I needed something to get me blogging again and this'll do just fine. I guess I am kind of a foul weather blogger. I use it as an outlet to vent and neglect it when all is well. Which is probably pretty unhealthy, because it causes me to focus on the negative and not necessarily accentuate the positive. I'll work on that! BUT- until then, meme's away!!
4 Things That Should Go Into Room 101 and Be Removed From the Face of the Earth:
(What is "Room 101" supposed to mean??)
1. Barney and Friends. Blech.
2. Black umbrellas. Booo-riiing!
3. "Skinny" jeans.
4. Cookies. (I LOVE cookies, but I could do without the temptation!)
3 Things That People Do That Make You Want to Shake Them Violently
1. Preach to me. There is a difference between sharing your beliefs with me and preaching to me. I don't want to hear it. You will not sway me with your threats, judgments, and close-mindedness. It took me YEARS to realize not all Christians are like this because the only Christian close to me was my aunt. She has tainted my whole family's view of God, Jesus, and the Bible and this BREAKS MY HEART. Fundamentalists suck.
2. Blunt passive-agressiveism. Which isn't a word, but just go with me. You know the type. "Boy, I SURE wish I had somebody to drive my kids to school today... oh do I... it SURE would be appreciated if somebody just called me up and said 'HEY! Let me take your kids to school today!'" Um... would you like me to take your kids to school today? "REALLY? You'd do that JUST for ME?? Awww...." Gag.
3. Whine all the time. Oops. Somebody, quick, SHAKE ME!
2 Things You Find Yourself Moaning About
1. Sleep. Literally. When I don't get enough sleep, it is ALL I can think about and I moan all day. Sometimes with words, like "I'm so sleeepy...." sometimes just random moaning. I need sleep.
2. A messy house. Again, I take this question literally. If I let my house get too bad, every time I walk into a new (messy) room I let out an audible moan until I finally get up the energy to just DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! :p.
1 Thing the Above Answers Tell You About Yourself
I whine too much, usually about very superficial things. Maybe because my life is so good just beneath the surface? Yeah, we'll go with that. :p
So Yertle from Smile, Play, Dream, and Sierra from Big Dreams & Pixie Dust, you're it! :)
4 Things That Should Go Into Room 101 and Be Removed From the Face of the Earth:
(What is "Room 101" supposed to mean??)
1. Barney and Friends. Blech.
2. Black umbrellas. Booo-riiing!
3. "Skinny" jeans.
4. Cookies. (I LOVE cookies, but I could do without the temptation!)
3 Things That People Do That Make You Want to Shake Them Violently
1. Preach to me. There is a difference between sharing your beliefs with me and preaching to me. I don't want to hear it. You will not sway me with your threats, judgments, and close-mindedness. It took me YEARS to realize not all Christians are like this because the only Christian close to me was my aunt. She has tainted my whole family's view of God, Jesus, and the Bible and this BREAKS MY HEART. Fundamentalists suck.
2. Blunt passive-agressiveism. Which isn't a word, but just go with me. You know the type. "Boy, I SURE wish I had somebody to drive my kids to school today... oh do I... it SURE would be appreciated if somebody just called me up and said 'HEY! Let me take your kids to school today!'" Um... would you like me to take your kids to school today? "REALLY? You'd do that JUST for ME?? Awww...." Gag.
3. Whine all the time. Oops. Somebody, quick, SHAKE ME!
2 Things You Find Yourself Moaning About
1. Sleep. Literally. When I don't get enough sleep, it is ALL I can think about and I moan all day. Sometimes with words, like "I'm so sleeepy...." sometimes just random moaning. I need sleep.
2. A messy house. Again, I take this question literally. If I let my house get too bad, every time I walk into a new (messy) room I let out an audible moan until I finally get up the energy to just DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! :p.
1 Thing the Above Answers Tell You About Yourself
I whine too much, usually about very superficial things. Maybe because my life is so good just beneath the surface? Yeah, we'll go with that. :p
So Yertle from Smile, Play, Dream, and Sierra from Big Dreams & Pixie Dust, you're it! :)
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